Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hover rounds and turf in the helmet
I just saw a hover round commercial. Two things stand out. 1, I want one. 2, there is not a chance in hell I'm going anywhere near the effing grand canyon in one of those things. What? You don't think I've seen batteries not included, Hover round? You think I'm just gonna trust your infomercial engineers' design on the precipice of free fall? The blog is a metaphor, not a bucket list.
You gotta be careful enough negotiating the five foot wide, makeshift levy like driveway (see above), let alone a loose rock cliff. And they shouldn't be encouraging old people to do it either. What happens when Mildred and Grandpa Stanley get confused in the freaking desert on their hover round? Are you gonna provide roadside service coast to coast with embedded gps?
Get it together hover round. Don't false advertise and put our greatest generation at any further risk. They went through enough on the beaches of Normandy and in the factories. We don't want Stan having a kamikaze flashback and nose dive into the Colorado River. And we for sure don't want sun baked old people dotting the highway, turning slow circles with their head lulled off to the side and no pulse.
Stick to basics. An old man trying to catch up with a woman, using a cane or some other walking aid, and giving up in frustration. Then have another old guy that's better dressed and hopped up on an enhancement aid and percocet catching up with her and taking her to bingo on the handlebars. Not that hard.