Tuesday, February 8, 2011


So, 'excess' implies too much or extra.  For some of us, too much is never enough.  I'm an excess kinda guy.  Whoever said 'moderation in all things' didn't know how to party.  That's just the way it is.  Whether it's my car's motor, or a quest for obesity, a quest for muscularity, or simply corkscrewing myself into the ground in my baseball days when I swung and missed, I always wanted more.  And to do it harder. 

In keeping with my ways and tastes, I like my coffee strong.  Unfortunately, there is a tendency toward diminishing returns when trying to brew strong coffee.  I surmise it's because as the volume increases as the square of surface area, it takes more than the brewing device can handle to make that 'extra' richness.  Stay with me, I'm getting there.  When at a coffee shop, I ask for five espresso shots to be added.  That does the trick.  In the absence of a Peets or Starbucks, I'm not getting espresso.

I found the loophole.  Instant coffee.  The law of conservation dictates that whatever is put into the cup, unless poured out, stays in the cup.  And therefore will end up in my gullet.  Basic science.  When using instant coffee, it's possible to make a coffee-like sludge that is, in effect, two Xenadrine, one eight hour energy, and a dime bag of meth.  My conversion table is an approximation, but that about sums it up.  I put eight dehydrated creamers in my coffee and it still looks black.  Not even lying.  If it weren't for the fact that I liquidated my iphone, I would post a picture of both the coffee and aftermath of wrappers.  Twelve sugars and it's still acrid. 

In short, I love it.  And so would you.