Wednesday, February 9, 2011


In the summer, and between school years while still in college, I met a girl.  I didn't know the girl.  We had talked on the phone a few times.  I met her face to face, though (while wearing a wife beater), and thought I might like her.  In the excitement that goes with youthful pursuits of love, we decided to perform a mundane task of mine together.  After all, neither of us were jaded, cynical, or busy in the summer months and this would be a good chance to get some hanging done.

So we went to the college I was attending to get my transcripts.  Shortly after arriving, I ran into a team mate who told me he broke up with his girlfriend, who by the way was drop dead gorgeous and way out of his league.  And he looked like he broke up with a drop dead gorgeous girl who was way out of his league.  I said, "that's good man," totally forgetting who was with me.  My team mate and I talked about that for a second.  He somewhat gallantly acted as if he believed me as I noticed him jealously coveting my new friend.  We parted with him and continued on to admissions.

My new friend eyed me suspiciously and asked, "why do you think it's good that they broke up?"  There was accusation and general skepticism about me in the question.

I smoothly lied, "Did you see that guy?  He was heart broken.  I just wanted to make him feel better about his decision."  I literally could not believe how easily I turned certain defeat into probable victory.  In her eyes I went form a calculating womanizer to a benevolent humanitarian.  And it was written all over her smitten face.  She didn't have to say a word.

So we went back to my car, the sickest thing on the road since Henry Ford invented the assembly line.  It was hot.  Admittedly, the strategy didn't form until an oversight on my part gave me an idea.  I didn't turn the kill switch off, but turned the key.  The motor turned, but didn't fire.  Duh, I thought.  But when I looked at her and saw a worried look on her face an idea formed.  Milk it!  Duh.

Thoughtfully, I looked around the interior and tried again.  I remembered something about excitement and danger, or otherwise unpleasant experiences bringing couples closer together.  Why not perform a field experiment?  After trying a few more times I went under the hood and literally smirked like a villain once the hood concealed my face.  I came back into the car with confidence and tried again.  No dice.  Back under the hood.  This time I shut the hood and went into the car.  I decided the charade had played out long enough.  She was talking about AAA.  I didn't have AAA, and using hers would turn what was a masterpiece deception into the ultimate deadbeat backfire.  I subtly turned the kill switch off and turned the key.  A beastly roar shook our bones. 

In our life and death reprieve, we embraced and kissed.  So simple, I thought.  What on Earth was wrong with me?

No comments: