Monday, June 4, 2012


I invested a lot of time in finding this picture.  If I were more tech savvy, I'd just snap a picture of the real weapon and post it.  This baseball bat cum scythe is actually pretty close so we'll just leave it there for now.  Remember how I said Joe was unimpressed with my ball and chain?  Like it was no big deal and he is a red neck and sees crazy stuff all the time?  I thought I was kidding.  I thought I was being funny.  Reality is stranger than fiction my friends.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have conceived of this weapon he not only thought up or constructed, but had in his effing car.

That's right.  He gave June and I a wave and said he was off to the casino to meet his grandparents blah blah whatever.  Then, five minutes later he walked in with what appeared to be a bat with a skillsaw blade on the end of it.  Only it wasn't the barbed blade that you cut wood with, but some bastardized hybrid that was ground down to a smooth, circular, and deadly cutting edge.  I could read the signs like a native tracker.  He cut the bat down the middle at the end and drilled what was probably a 3/8 inch hole.  Maybe a half inch.  Stuffed the blade in and fed the bolt through the hole in the blade and secured it with a bolt, washer and nut.

It sounds simple.  After the fact.  But it took some doing and some creativity to conceive of and render a reality this contraption.  It looked like a mutant q tip from planet Zolar or something.  Literally the strangest thing I've seen lately.  And I've been entrenched in strange.  I'm laughing now, but he just walked in with this thing and a slight smile on his face-

*Quick note here.  I heard some ruckus on the docks and immediately grabbed the bat saw.  So I'm not even close to saying it isn't my weapon of choice.

-And set it down.  I asked him, "Where the hell did you get that thing?"  He scoffed and shrugged and said, "In my car."  When he said it it was like he was saying 'Duuuuhhhhh.  Where have you been?'  Freaking Joe man.  I tell ya.  You meet some interesting people out here.  And I think I'm one of them.  I can only imagine what's said about me and my oddness.  I tell you what, though.  When that 'coon comes back, it's gonna be curtains.

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