Monday, June 18, 2012

Doing drugs

There are two types of people in this world.  Those that do drugs and those that don't.  And Asian chicks.  They'll do what you want.  Before you get offended, that came from Family Guy.  It makes everything ok if you're quoting something else.  But ya, I drank some coffee and I'm pretty spun up right now.  And I'm taking digital drugs.  Call of Duty online.

Not really sure where to start here so I'll just dig in.  But first of all, the scene has to be set.  I'm in the galley parlor with my little bootleg internet device, a MacBookPro, a PS3, flat screen TV, and full size keyboard.  Just excessive electronic doodads in my modest little slice of heaven.  And a plate of half eaten chinese food.  This is probably what it was like when Martha Stewart went to prison.  Walking in and assessing her cell and just deciding it needed a few personal touches, and it goes with any decor.  Welp, in the same way, after spending a little time on my factory processing boat yacht, I found that books alone wouldn't do.

The reality is that books and my imagination would probably do just fine.  With the piano, of course.  But that old human demon of grass, greenness, and other sides of fences kicked in early on.  And I needed more cool stuff.  It's all used, so don't berate me too much.  Except the piano, that was new.

Anyway, I was dragging a little bit earlier and thought maybe some coffee would spruce up this enterprise.  So I drank some cups.  And got fairly wired.  Then I had the genius idea of hooking the PS3 up to the internet so I could kill a-holes online.  Let me tell ya.  It goes like this: Nacho cheese, sliced bread, killing a-holes online, printing press, electricity (Ya I know it's paradoxical that the video game supercedes the invention that makes it necessary), then the internal combustion engine and finally the wheel.  That's the list of brilliant inventions in order of relevance, utility, and pageantry.

I kinda made that list ridiculous just to sell the sarcasm.  But the fact remains that running around and shooting at other people is absurdly fun.  And kids should not be allowed to do it.  This is sooooo bad for a person's serenity it's not even funny.  See, most of us who play video games have kinda stepped up from the basic stuff to this in a rather linear and progressive fashion.  I, on the other hand took a three year sabbatical from video games.  Meaning I am viewing the experience with fresh eyes.

Ya.  The eyes of an irate killer.  I haven't had this much irrational anger since taking andro in the old days.  Some of these clowns have headsets and what not when they play online and you can hear what they are saying.  Well, this one guy was cussing in Spanish over the speaker and I literally wanted to punch his face.  I had a litany of racial slurs just ready to go.  Under different circumstances, I might not have noticed.  But because I've been living a simple and pure life, it was slapping me in the face.  Kinda like when I borrowed the ice wench's ipod that had nothing but rap on it.  Just put me in a bad mood.

But this is different.  Because it's awesome.  On Modern Marvels, they had some exec from a video game company say that the objective was to immerse the player blah blah blah emotional involvement blah blah blah.  Well, buddy.  Mission accomplished.  Silver Star for whoever whipped these games up.

And you know what this reminds me of?  Playing Call of Duty online?  When I worked with my cousin Jeremy and brought my PS3 to work with a flatscreen TV and when we weren't taking calls, we played.  Ya, the outbound calls seriously suffered.  I'm laughing right now because we were even talking rates with people and taking apps over the phone while playing.  We had our little script down, so we'd take calls while playing and if something really needed attention the one playing would gesture at the other like, "here man, you want to finish this round?"  And that person would scoot their chair over like a dog dragging its butt on the carpet to get in front of the TV.

Ahh.  That was fun while it lasted.  And perhaps not too ironically, it wasn't long after that paradigm shift in work activity that I had to do something else for money.  We should have pitched that to FOX for a new reality show.  Good times.  I gotta go shoot some terrorists.

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