Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The road warrior

After talking with Jeremy yesterday, and subsequently waking up on an air mattress in a strange place for the third day/night/whatever time of day I wake, it's confirmed.  I am a road warrior.

the dog and I made friends
It started a few years back when my family departed.  This road wandering and warrioring self just can't shake itself.  And I can't deny it any longer.  Along this road, the one on which I'm warrioring and making war from, I spent some time working with Jeremy.  On one morning, I came in looking as disheveled as a guy without hair can look.  Jeremy looked at me and said, "What?".  I said "You won't believe what I've been doing."  I proceeded...

Hey man, some wild stuff went down last night bro.  All I can tell you is that I woke up on the floor of an abandoned apartment in a twist of blankets next to this girl I hadn't seen or heard from in years.

This piqued his interest further.  And clearly, that wasn't all I could tell him, because I was gonna tell the rest as soon as his look of confusion became one of beckoning.  It did...

Ya man.  I was sitting at the house last night and I needed to do some laundry.  Well, it was cold as hell and I figured I'd come into the office because it's centrally located, you know and closer to any place where I'd actually do laundry.  

He looked expectantly, and with a telling face that basically said, "you haven't told me ish yet man.  Get to it."

So I'm on the phone and striking out.  I even called you and you didn't answer.  All of a sudden, my phone rings and it's a number I vaguely recognize, but have no clue who it is.  I pick it up and it's this girl that lived next door to me on Spinnaker.  Anyway, she asks me what I'm doing.  I tell her I'm just thinking about doing some laundry.  She basically asked if she could come and hang.  She said she needed an alibi for this "bull-ish" restraining order she had.  She said I could come to her apartment as long as I stayed, because she needed an alibi.

The wheels in my mind started turning.  I needed the laundry done, but I wasn't prepared for a slumber party.  She also mentioned that her apartment was empty, which I took to mean something other than totally empty.  I asked if she had a washing machine.  She said she did.  I said, If you get some detergent over there, you have yourself a date.

I got there and it was literally empty.  Something to do with this clown and eviction/cops/restraining order drama.  Perfect.  She had two blankets, some soap, and a box of cleaning agents in the entire place man.  So we get in there and I look around to verify that it is indeed empty.  She starts taking off her clothes right there in front of me.  I turned around and she said "it's nothing you haven't seen before".

She hopped in the tub.  this wasn't a Pretty Woman modesty bath either, with bubbles up to the rim.  She was flopping around like a fish out of water in three inches of non bubbled water, just scrubbing her stuff.  

Then we did the only thing there was left to do in the empty apartment...She put a bootleg version of Taken in her laptop.  Jeremy asked me at the time, "You saw Taken?  How was it?  It looks tight."  I replied, "I don't know.  Looks like it could have been pretty sweet."

After that story, I drank a little coffee and went to the bathroom.  When I came back, there was a picture of Mad Max taped to the wall in front of my desk.  And I'm a Jew, so I can still like Mel Gibson if I want to.  I took one look at it and started busting up laughing.  Before I could quit, Jeremy said through his own laughter, "You're the road warrior fool.  Just on the road, warring."  We both died of laughter like we always did when "working".  I took a measure of pride in that.  "The road warrior".  I was like a little kid playing in the sand box, only it was real life.  Just going from place to place, executing my own brand of justice, to restraining order victims and co workers alike.

So now I'm in Fresno.  The decision was made in less than twenty four hours to pack up my things, which include a mere change of clothes, some socks, a lap top, and a stage piano.  I have no clue what's gonna happen next.  And truthfully, I'm not that concerned.  Maybe the French foreign legion?  If they weren't French, maybe.  I just see the road in front of me.  And the charred ruins of cars, roving rabid dogs, strange shoulder padded miscreants, and even possibly 'Thunderdome', or maybe that's the stadium where the Bulldogs play.  Isn't life fun?  Just moving through your own adventure?  I mean, who needs, cars, mortgages, wives, careers, or a routine?  When you have post apocalyptic desert landscape, such things are for nerds.  Pfft.

And just because I love Tina Turner, you get a bonus video.


Peter Anderson said...

damn, im gettin kinda weak picturing you smashing through desert apocalypse landscapes in the 'vette, wearing shoulder pads and chasing armies of feathered children over dunes of bones and dust while tupac sings california love.

Cwatts said...

I hadn't gone that far, but now that you mention it, I'm pretty weak at that too. In fact, I'm really weak at that.

David Fernandes Jr. said...

Ya i Saw this and Pete your comment was a winner. I can hella see that vividly and I like it.

Cwatts said...

My bad then. I assumed you'd have run your trap in the comments if you had. Guess waking up in a tangle of blankets next to a girl with a restraining order who I haven't seen in years isn't comment worthy. No biggie.