Friday, December 30, 2011

Let me tell ya

I can't get around him!
Had to take care of a few things today up in the good ol Pac Nor West.  The roads.  The drivers.  First, let me say that all the smack I'm gonna talk about these shitty drivers and Canadiens and Asians and Asians that are Canadiens is nearly completely mitigated by a simple fact.  There is literally no concern for how big of a fairy you look like absolutely slappin Rick Astley 'Never gonna give you up'.  Came on when I was driving.  Don't worry about whether it came on a cd I was listening to or the radio.  It was on.  I started to roll my window up.  Then I was like, "who gives a shit?  It's Washington."

That being gotta be kidding me.  The deal up here is Canadiens roll down cause apparently stuff is cheaper in the land of Wal-Mart.  Go figure huh?  One quickly notices that while Washingtonians drive the speed limit, Canadiens just invent rules of the road.  So I'm on the freeway and this clown in front of me right blinkers.  Starts to get over.  I pick up some speed cause we were going like 45 in a 70.  Then this dip shit gets right back over right in front of me.  I start to go around and left blinker from Canadien.  I hold back.  He changes his mind.  No problem.  I got Rick to keep me company and it's only like 30 seconds into the song.  Well, the same thing happens for three off ramps in a row, until we both get off.  He's going left and I'm going right.  Of course I look.  Yep.  Canadien old ass Chinese hunched over the steering wheel, inch thick glasses and an old ass wife with a smurf hat.  Sweet driving Wu.  Eh?

Long story short.  This happened a couple times.  I even invented a few rules of my own, cause there were a few awkward ass lane arrangements.  The heirarchy of just deplorable drivers goes like this:

1-Top of the list is Canadien Asians in a landslide.  Just fumble fucking the road like you never even heard about. 
2-Coming in second is old Asian drivers-anywhere you see them, be it Cali, Texas-NM, don't think there are any in Texas, or Washington.  Not trying to be mean.  Just the way it shakes out.
3-This is a close call, but I'm gonna go with Canadiens of any stripe.  Just too busy trying to get comfortable with their backpacks on while driving.
4-Young Asians.  The young Asian is a mixed bag because some of you guys have adapted an adequate level of skill.
5-Your run of the mill Washingtonian is a bit slow, but not entirely unpredictable.  Eeked out the 5 for the inconvenience of slow driving, but not hazardous.
6-So Cal.  You LA drivers are at the bottom because however reckless and gridlocked you may be, you keep the head on a swivel.  No points taken away for obliviousness.  Just got to get the gloves on and compete on the roads down there.

No comments: