Saturday, December 1, 2012


Let me tell ya.  It rains in Seattle.  There was a two day period a few days ago with little rain, but other than that it's been a daily occurrence since I've been back from sea.  Just rain rain rain.  It's not really that bad or anything, but it for sure is.  I guess the worse thing about it is getting around without a car in it.  But whatever.

So I had a pretty sweet weekend that wasn't on the weekend, but was at the end of my week.  We don't have to get into all the sordid details or anything.  I can just say in a kind of roundabout way that a 'friend' and I spent a smooth three days wining, wining, dining, and wining.  And I may or may not have come out of it looking like I was attacked by a cougar while getting pelted with paintballs.  Read, finger nails and bites.  Very exhilarating indeed.  And since the 'weekend' ended, it has rained.

The real fun of this time was just the silly banter.  We'd make really witty but dumb jokes and laugh endlessly.  For example, I called myself a degenerate while over-tipping some tender of a bar.  Obvious new word is degenerosity, right?  It was just priceless.  There were many other instances.  I really can't do it justice, so just take my word for it.  Good times.

So, besides hemorrhaging money and playing catch with a towel tied in a knot in a hotel room, I've been inventing.  Ya.  Saw a little of Shark Tank last night and had a thought.  If these guys can go up there with their nick nacks, then I can whip some stuff up too.  So last night I made a prototype of an invention.  Ya, it's just that easy.  Whether it works or not, we may never fully know.  But when the time is right, I'll give it a spin.

There is really no shortage of ideas rattling around up in this noggin.  People do that right?  Just invent stuff?  Cause here's the thing-I might not enjoy working on the boat forever.  And when I give up my 'yacht', I'm gonna need a yacht.  So if I have to be Billy Mays for a bit to get my own yacht going on, then I'll use the power of oxyclean or bead-mop.  Whoops.  Good luck figuring out what that's all about.

Understand though that while I can't figure out what I want to do for a living in earnest, I one thousand percent want to get paid to think.  Literally the best job I can think of.  Just spitting out crazy ideas and having people pay for them and think even the bad ones are brilliant because you're some eccentric genius.  I'll be like Steve Martin in 'The Jerk', just tacky opulence and senseless excess.  Have a trophy room with stuffed animals like Teddy Ruxpin and Care Bears.

And make no mistake.  Me being wealthy is the worse idea ever.  I'd be like MC Hammer, only worse. Just have an entourage of bums like the caddy in 'Happy Gilmore'.  But I'd be the worse enabler you ever thought about.  My sympathy for them would just be an open ended license to intoxicate themselves and for sure every homeless person within walking or box car range would hear about it.  I think this behavior of mine could be described as 'degenerosity'?  Yep.  She nailed it.

And as for me?  I may grow to the staggering weight of like 400 lbs, just crushing the meals I dream about.  Because I absolutely had a dream about two superstar combos at Carl's Jr last night.  And I woke up with an erection.  It may sound like a coincidence, but both of those things happened.  And in my dream I did what I'd do in real life.  Started ordering one combo, but quickly rescinded the order and got two, but with medium fries.  Totally ridiculous.

So I might be overstating it, but probably not.  I don't want to jinx my fortune or anything, because I for sure want a yacht.  If I were honest with myself, though, it may get ugly if I were mega rich.  Look at the people who win money in the lottery.  I am self aware enough to know that I have all the same weaknesses as them, only worse.  I'd probably opt to be paid over twenty years like I was responsible and whatnot and then call JG Wentworth like a week later to get it settled at like 50 cents on the dollar of what I could have had.  I hope I am kidding about that.

This was nothing.  But not good nothing like Seinfeld.  Just nothing.  Nothing good at all.  Except for the Peabo Bryson video.  That is good.  Love that song.

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